Porn Free

So I have not been able to post as much as I would like. The rigors of graduate school, family and church life have kept me very busy indeed. But the Prodigal Addict is still in recovery and working hard to stay there!

I did want to share a little tool that I have used quite a bit in my own recovery.

A sound track.

It’s amazing how many things can be triggering to an addict. A song, lyrics, a beat, a smell, a perfume, that sparks a memory of an old flame, or of a fantasy or of a situation in which you acted out. Being tired, being stressed, being relieved, being relaxed, working out, lack of exercise, unconscious dreams and conscious thoughts. The list of triggers goes on and on and on and on. I have joked with fellow addicts, that apparently being alive is triggering. And from doctrines of the after life and what we take with us there, that probably doesn’t change much after we’re dead.

Anyways, I have a sound track. A playlist of songs that are uplifting to me and that actually trigger thoughts of recovery, of compassion for others and myself, songs that are linked to memories of my kids and my wife. There is a good mix of spiritual songs and even some modern songs that you would hear on the radio, but I am very selective on what I put on my sound track.

I also have an audio track that I had my wife record. In it, she gives me words of encouragement and explains to me what it is that she loves about me and our relationship (Yes, even after confessing all, she still loves me and we are working through everything together). I have listened to it often.

This can be a tool if I am feeling tempted and I am starting to enter the danger zone, but I think more importantly and pertinent, it is a preemptive tool to keep me out of the danger zone.

One of my favorite songs, that really helped me kick start my recovery, is called “Born Free” by Andy Williams. It’s an old school song from the 1960’s that my dad used to listen to all the time.

I usually listen to it every day on my way to school and I listened to it every day at the beginning of my recovery especially while I was trying to build up some sobriety before confessing to my wife. (In retrospect, that was a dangerous strategy and I am lucky that it worked.)

I didn’t and still do not sing the lyrics as Born Free, but instead I sing along and substitute theĀ  words “Porn Free”. The song takes on great meaning and the rest of the lyrics fit beautifully. I have included the lyrics below as well. Life is truly worth living when your “porn free”.

 

Born Free by Andy Williams

Born free, as free as the wind blows
As free as the grass grows
Born free to follow your heart
Live free and beauty surrounds you
The world still astounds you
Each time you look at a star
Stay free, where no walls divide you
You’re free as the roaring tide
So there’s no need to hide
Born free, and life is worth living
But only worth living
’cause you’re born free
You’re free as the roaring tide
So there’s no need to hide
Born free, and life is worth living
But only worth living
’cause you’re born free